Just a rambling

Cross-posted from livejournal.

( Do it anyway lyrics )

I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to lay down for a while and sleep. I don't want to worry. I don't want to think. I just want to sleep. But I can't sleep. The thoughts continually spin in my head and the more the thoughts spin the more lethargic I become. There are things I used to care about that I don't care about anymore. There are people I cared about that I don't care about anymore. Maybe I'm becoming jaded as I get older more cynical but I've become the mindset of "what's in it for me" if I do this for you. It shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't think like that. I should want to do something because it's important to do. I don't know. I feel lost. I'm a balloon without a string just floating along in the sky. I'm not tethered to anything. Disconnected from everything. Disconnected from people and places and ideals. Float. Float away high in the sky. How long will it continue until crashing down, popped. I haven't done anything worth doing since school was finished in December. I haven't had a real set structure to anything. I need structure in my life. I need balance. I need to feel as if I'm making a difference and I don't feel that way. I feel like I'm moving but I'm stuck all at the same time. I just want to feel as if I'm doing something with my life instead of feeling like I'm nothing at all. So I ask what do I do? I don't have the answers anymore. I'm running on empty and I don't know how to refill my tank.

I haven't been reading or writing or walking or taking care of me the way I should be taken care of because I just don't give a damn. What's happened to me and how do I get what I had back? Do I even want it back or do I want to continue living the life I'm living?